It was just another weekend, until we gathered post session, at one of our very common refuge. Lazily munching on the hot sandwiches and sipping the no-ice juices on a cold (yeah! trust me, it was a real chilly weather!!) Chennai afternoon, we ratted incessantly on various possible topics, incoherently, of course!
It was one such random yapping that made me think, a lot. The topic is, indeed, a sensitive one - Adolescent Love interests.
My mom was in her adolescent phase in her late teens. I was through mine in my teens. Now, my sister is through hers, which is in her pretty early teens. Yeah! You heard it right! Adolescence is no more linked to the teenage. This is what that actually causes the, so called, Generation gap. Even though parents/ adults may have been through the same issues, when it comes to explaining stuff to their kids who are a lot younger than what they were, they are CLUELESS!!
Okay! let's not get into the Psycho of the analysis of the theory of the adolescent of the issue!
There was this very smart, very chatty kid, who amused me by his silence one day. I walked up to him and initiated a conversation to which he responded vaguely. The one kid, who can never shut up was now hardly talking. It is never a good feeling to watch a kid with no smile on his face, you know. So, I just kept talking to him about random stuffs and finally he spoke out. I was stupefied, when the words reached my ears - He had quarreled with his girl friend. Did I not mention his class? He was in the 8th grade, yeah, E-I-G-H-T, and they have been "BF-GF" for 2 years now, that's right - T-W-O!
And many such stories... Yet, just one question! How do you address them?
- Do you think you can be a stringent adult and enforce acts on the poor kid? There is this thin line between fear and hatred, never push your limits. Its happiness that always counts.
- Or do you think we have to completely shut them off from the opposite gender? That's right, talking to a stranger is a crime, you can only marry one!
- Or tell them about bad endings instead of bedtime stories and create an aversion towards the other gender? So... It's okay if your kid is not straight?!
- Shouldn't we advice them against eloping or teen romance? That would have never occurred to them. Thanks much for sowing the thought!
I know there will be a 101 thoughts rampaging through the vacuum in your heads, but put that small brain to proper use and come up with some feasible ideas to address the concern.
Scientifically, it is just the hormones playing in the head or heart or whatever! They have an early hormone surge, we just fail to understand its neither their fault nor ours.
What even makes you think your never-ending philosophies and advice are gonna miraculously evaporate those hormones and exterminate those feelings?
- Teach your kids to be happy, immaterial of how others make them feel. Their happiness should be immune to the social and interpersonal factors. This encourages them to think for themselves rather than depending on others to make a decision. When you are happy, you are clear headed and every other problem that pops up seems petty and can be solved in a jiffy. Happy kids feel more secure.
- Teach your kids to be a narcissist - that is, to love themselves unconditionally. They should love everything about them - the way they look, what they study, where they work, how much they they earn - just everything. This sense of self content plays a major role in the decision making process. This also helps get over complex issues and builds self confidence.
- Practice the 98-2 theory - Never give up anything for anybody, ever! Compromises can constitute only to about 2% of the entire journey. The remaining 98% is all about the "Never say die" attitude. On the otherhand, if you are a 100% confident about something, just do it. Coz, the oppurtunity once missed might never pop again.
- NEVER repeat your mistakes - It is good to make mistakes (yeah! you read that right!) As long as you learn from them and make it a point, NEVER to repeat that mistake ever! Make new mistakes every time. Also, NEVER do things that you cannot brag in front of others, because such things are, usually, either illegal, improper or immoral.
- Encourage being friends with opposite gender - how else do you think shes gonna earn you in dollars without having a sane conversation with a colleague/lead who happens to have an XY chromosome? Or would you prefer your son to be single, ever? Tell them your experiences/ stories that address gender issues in a gentle and optimistic approach.
- Be a friend and let them know you will always be there for them. Being a parent or a sibling, is just easy as sailing on a boat. Whilst being a friend is like building a boat, needs tremendous efforts. There is no better feeling than knowing that they have somebody they can count on by the end of the day, be it good or bad.
And again, all these things, the kids should learn from you and not hear from you. When they get to hear, it is received as advice and it hardly reaches their ear, forget the brain. If, it happens even after you being all the above, don't give up. Just continue to be a friend and eventually, its great if he gets through safe and sound, otherwise, the kid will need you. And see to it, you are right there to hold him when he trips.
Afterall, Learning is best when it is done from one's own mistakes.
