To Love or not to Love

It was just another weekend, until we gathered post session, at one of our very common refuge. Lazily munching on the hot sandwiches and sipping the no-ice juices on a cold (yeah! trust me, it was a real chilly weather!!) Chennai afternoon, we ratted incessantly on various possible topics, incoherently, of course!

It was one such random yapping that made me think, a lot. The topic is, indeed, a sensitive one - Adolescent Love interests.

My mom was in her adolescent phase in her late teens. I was through mine in my teens. Now, my sister is through hers, which is in her pretty early teens. Yeah! You heard it right! Adolescence is no more linked to the teenage. This is what that actually causes the, so called, Generation gap. Even though parents/ adults may have been through the same issues, when it comes to explaining stuff to their kids who are a lot younger than what they were, they are CLUELESS!!

Okay! let's not get into the Psycho of the analysis of the theory of the adolescent of the issue!

There was this very smart, very chatty kid, who amused me by his silence one day. I walked up to him and initiated a conversation to which he responded vaguely. The one kid, who can never shut up was now hardly talking. It is never a good feeling to watch a kid with no smile on his face, you know. So, I just kept talking to him about random stuffs and finally he spoke out. I was stupefied, when the words reached my ears - He had quarreled with his girl friend. Did I not mention his class? He was in the 8th grade, yeah, E-I-G-H-T, and they have been "BF-GF" for 2 years now, that's right - T-W-O!

And many such stories... Yet, just one question! How do you address them?

• Do you think you can be a stringent adult and enforce acts on the poor kid? There is this thin line between fear and hatred, never push your limits. Its happiness that always counts.
• Or do you think we have to completely shut them off from the opposite gender? That's right, talking to a stranger is a crime, you can only marry one! 
• Or tell them about bad endings instead of bedtime stories and create an aversion towards the other gender? So... It's okay if your kid is not straight?! 
• Shouldn't we advice them against eloping or teen romance? That would have never occurred to them. Thanks much for sowing the thought!

I know there will be a 101 thoughts rampaging through the vacuum in your heads, but put that small brain to proper use and come up with some feasible ideas to address the concern.

Scientifically, it is just the hormones playing in the head or heart or whatever! They have an early hormone surge, we just fail to understand its neither their fault nor ours.

What even makes you think your never-ending philosophies and advice are gonna miraculously evaporate those hormones and exterminate those feelings?

1. Teach your kids to be happy, immaterial of how others make them feel. Their happiness should be immune to the social and interpersonal factors. This encourages them to think for themselves rather than depending on others to make a decision. When you are happy, you are clear headed and every other problem that pops up seems petty and can be solved in a jiffy. Happy kids feel more secure.
2. Teach your kids to be a narcissist - that is, to love themselves unconditionally. They should love everything about them - the way they look, what they study, where they work, how much they they earn - just everything. This sense of self content plays a major role in the decision making process. This also helps get over complex issues and builds self confidence.
3. Practice the 98-2 theory - Never give up anything for anybody, ever! Compromises can constitute only to about 2% of the entire journey. The remaining 98% is all about the "Never say die" attitude. On the otherhand, if you are a 100% confident about something, just do it. Coz, the oppurtunity once missed might never pop again.
4. NEVER repeat your mistakes - It is good to make mistakes (yeah! you read that right!) As long as you learn from them and make it a point, NEVER to repeat that mistake ever! Make new mistakes every time. Also, NEVER do things that you cannot brag in front of others, because such things are, usually, either illegal, improper or immoral.
5. Encourage being friends with opposite gender - how else do you think shes gonna earn you in dollars without having a sane conversation with a colleague/lead who happens to have an XY chromosome? Or would you prefer your son to be single, ever? Tell them your experiences/ stories that address gender issues in a gentle and optimistic approach.
6. Be a friend and let them know you will always be there for them. Being a parent or a sibling, is just easy as sailing on a boat. Whilst being a friend is like building a boat, needs tremendous efforts. There is no better feeling than knowing that they have somebody they can count on by the end of the day, be it good or bad.

And again, all these things, the kids should learn from you and not hear from you. When they get to hear, it is received as advice and it hardly reaches their ear, forget the brain. If, it happens even after you being all the above, don't give up. Just continue to be a friend and eventually, its great if he gets through safe and sound, otherwise, the kid will need you. And see to it, you are right there to hold him when he trips.

Afterall, Learning is best when it is done from one's own mistakes.

Known is less than a drop in the ocean of Unknown

The most awkward moment in life is when somebody comes and asks very sweetly, "Oh dear! Last I saw you, you were a kid clinging on to your mother. You are so grown up! How are you? Do you remember me?" and for a jiffy, a hundred thoughts flash in my mind viz.,

"So you knew I was a kid then and still you want me to remember you? What are you? Tom and Jerry?" 

"OMG! How I wish somebody near me knows this weirdo?!" 

"So... Who could you, possibly, be?" 

"I am very sure, I have never seen you in my life, ever" 

"Memory loss is it? Definitely selective!" 

"Why don't miracles ever happen to me?" and so on.

At this point, right when I am back to reality, I am left ONLY with two choices - One, talk as if I know them so well, evacuate the place after a quick conversation and then seek a person who might actually know them, for enlightenment. Two, throw a sheepish smile at them until they volunteer to actually introduce themselves.

Unfortunately, not all people we face give up easily. Some simply remain undeterred.

Some time, last week, I was just darting into my office, when a girl walked to me, "Hey hi! How are you? Got into project huh?" and my mind was filled with those hundred and odd questions instantly. "Aaah! Yeah! I am in one... Sorry! Do I know you?" God! I hate such surprises!!

"What?! You don't remember me?"

I relent by, very slowly, moving my head from left to right with an expression similar to Joey's smell-the-fart-act from F.R.I.E.N.D.S (my favourite sitcom), being cautious not to be rude.

"We met last month"

Duh! LAST MONTH you say?! I vaguely remember what I had for lunch yesterday, "Uhhh.. "

"At the Tidel, during the interview"

"OMG! Yeah" still not sure, deciding to go with choice One, "I'm sorry! I have a very poor memory. So... How are you?"

How I wish I had an in-built Google Glass!!

"Ha ha! I'm good. So what's your domain?"

Still working on my memory database,"Telecom! What about you?"

"What?? You don't know my domain? I am also with Telecom only. You really don't remember me even a little, do you?!"

Ouch! That was harsh!! I was just trying to be polite, repeated the EXACT question she posed and now, I am the accused! Great! Some people can just go on to be a pain, consciously! I am pretty sure she doesn't even know my name in the first place. It's not that easy a name to remember, you know.

All these, think-later-laugh incidents, just make me wonder, why can't people make things easier? All they have to do is be nice. There are various available options to do that.

ONE - This is a tricky job. You have to be real smart to get this right. Look at the person in the eye, (from afar of course!) if you see their eyes brighten up on seeing you, LO! They definitely remember your face, just walk up to them and begin the conversation with your name.

TWO - If their eyes brighten up and they smile, they definitely know you. You can start right away with "Hi! Hello" followed by the usual small talk.

THREE - No eye contact businesses. Just walk straight, give a brief intro and wait for a positive reply, failing which apologise, without fail. Not because you initiated but because you have taken the person's time away.

FOUR - The easiest, simply walk away.

When people do any of the above, chances are more likely that there develops an intangible bond and that those people tend to remain in touch even after that short conversation. After all, being nice always has its own benefits, doesn't it?

PS: Had that girl come up with an intro initially, we could have gone to become friends, but now, I don't even remember her face, again!!

This leads me to Square One, cozily!

So hum, meaning - I am that

I strongly believe that every person put on this Earth is special. Saying that, I never really bothered to know the REAL me until 2011. Yes, I am a narcissist, no doubt - meaning, I love myself unconditionally.

On a pleasant morning in 2011, I was rapidly scanning through the headlines in the newspaper, the feature article that caught my attention was something about "The 13th Sun sign". I, for sure, did not know the names of the all the Sun signs but I definitely knew the count - 12. I was like "WTHeck?!" Inquisitive, I read through the article only to know that the new addition is named, Ophiuchus, the serpent holder. Secretly wishing, I am still a Capricorn, I read further. Luckily, I am not an Ophiuchus but sadly, a Sagittarius. "Duh! I can never be a Sagittarius. I cannot even spell it right in the first attempt!!"

I had this huge decision to be made - stick to Capricorn or move on to Sagittarius. Though I had never paid much of an attention to the signs all these years, I just didn't wanna be in the dilemma of what I am. In college, the more I googled about the two, the more I realised it is an introspection. Fortunately, it was January, that meant Annual Book Fair was in town. The first book I picked was "Whats Your Sun sign?" I wouldn't say it helped me in the decision making process but I did stumble upon some self revelations.

I could be a Sagittarius coz I am, what is said to be, an incurable optimist, though I can be a painful pessimist at times. I am too cautious to be a Sagittarius, but I do have an adventurous nerve! I, probably, will be the best of Sagittarius with, what people call, my careless attitude that claims criticism from all possible sources. I am restless, which might be a trait of a Sagittarius, but I am definitely a Capricorn coz I have the patience to complete a Tanjore painting, which apparently involves a lot of intricate work. I could be a tactless Sagittarius still I adhere to a specific self-made discipline.

 Sagittarius did weigh more initially, but I chose to stick to Capricorn and here's why: I am practical, I am reserved, I am ambitious, I am moody, I am prudent, I am creative, I am detached, I am responsible, I am friendly, I am obstinate, I am  lazy, I am stubborn and hell, yea, I am a narcissist!!

I am that and a lot more!